Ayahuasca is a brew made of a mix of two parts of leaves and vines found in the amazon jungle. Drinking the brew helps to open a portal into a world where you get to see what the purpose of having gone through the things you’ve gone through in your life has been for.  For many, taking the medicine changes their lives completely.  They get to have a new perspective on the way things have been.  When you read this article you’ll see how I was shown a new perspective on why my life has been the way it has been.  For me, taking the Ayahuasca medicine has been very healing.  I invite you into my personal world when you read this article.  I hope that the authenticity you see here encourages you to take your own medicine journey. I commence my account from just prior to starting the medicine journey that I was about to go on.

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As darkness began to descend we decided it was time to go and shower and get dressed into our white clothing for the ceremony. Vicky and I went to our rooms and gathered our things, then we went to the ladies amenities and got showered and dressed. It was a cold night so I put on my ugh boots, even though they didn’t really go with my tiered gypsy skirt and white lacey top, however, the cold weather demanded that I sacrifice fashion for practicality. My skirt almost reached the floor so I was able to get away with the lack of co-ordination in what I was wearing. I also had my big pink parka to keep me warm in case I needed it. Vicky had on a white skirt and two white low necked skivvies. We went back to our rooms with the clothes we just got out of and then gathered our cushions and our seats so that we could stand in line for our place in the hall. As we moved forward in the line we were asked to give our names, then we were ticked off the list, and then we were told to just find anywhere we liked to sit, as long as it was on the far side of the room from the door we had just come into the hall through. Initially Vicky and I headed for the back of the room, but later we moved to the front when it was found that more space was needed for the guys.

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We sat to the shaman’s left at the front of the room, against the wall. There was a sound speaker between him and us, so our vision of him and the musicians was blocked somewhat. I was ok with that, however, later during the evening Vicky would get up and move into a position where she was able to see the musicians and hear the music while sitting directly in front of the speakers.

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When everyone had finally found their places, the shaman opened the ceremony with a prayer and a ritual. He blessed the room and asked the Sacred Beings to come in and watch over the events that would follow. Then he lit some white sage in a bowl and took a feather and began at the side of the room where I was sitting, blowing the smoke from the sage over each and every person, all the way around the outer and inner circles. Meanwhile a CD was playing in the background, creating a hauntingly eerie but beautiful sound throughout the hall. He then stood beside the alter and poured the Aya brew into glass jugs in preparation for commencing to dispense the drink to the participants. When he was ready, he indicated to the lady to my right to come up to the alter and receive the drink. I was next, so I stood up to take my turn. The amount that I was given seemed to be the same as what I had been given on the last two occasions that I have attended these ceremonies. I bent down to get a few pieces of lemon to help cleanse my mouth of the strong taste of Ayahuasca, and then I took my place again against the wall. Vicky wasn’t far behind me and she sat back down to my left. The lady to Vicky’s left was journeying for the first time. It was unfortunate for her that when she took the medicine, as soon as she sat down afterwards she began to purge. She began to bleed very heavily too. Going through menopause, she hadn’t bled for four months, but tonight she was bleeding very heavily indeed. She bled so much that they rushed her to the ladies room and had to help her find clothes to change into. Later the next day we would hear of her journey and how difficult it had been and how she had been eaten by the snake. I was to find it most interesting when she did speak about her experience, as would be the case with nearly everyone else’s that I was to hear of too.

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I closed my eyes and waited for my own process to begin. I wasn’t really getting any visions, except I did see what looked like a bag full of worms and maggots sitting somewhere in the line of inner vision that I was having. I wasn’t able to tell what it meant. It was just there. Pretty much nothing was happening visually until I went up for my second drink, so for now all I was doing was taking in the sounds of the music and occasionally watching the others in the room.

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I was feeling very nauseous though, so I did go out and try to purge but couldn’t. I sat on the bench in the shower area to the side of the toilet area and just rocked back and forth, my arms across my chest. I must have been there for a long time because one of the helpers came and sat with me and asked me if I was OK. I said that I could feel that I wanted to purge but wasn’t able to, and that if she stayed crouched down in front of me she might just get a face-full of vomit if she didn’t move and sit next to me. She did move, and upon sitting next to me she placed her left hand on my back at the heart region. I said to her “thank you. My heart really needed you to do that. I have had a lot of abuse and my heart is just so sore. It is in so much pain.” It was then that I began to cry. I hadn’t done that until this happened, and doing so seemed to release something within me when I did. After a few minutes the lady said to me that we should go back to the hall now. She helped me stand up and then walked me back to the hall, opening the door and just guiding me through. She said that the music would help me to purge if I listened to it for long enough. I trusted what she had to say and took my place against the far wall once again. I had to sit up cross legged with my back straight, because if I leaned back I felt as if I would throw up there and then, so I sat rocking in a cross legged position until the shaman moved towards the alter in preparation for dispensing the second round of Ayahuasca to the participants.

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When I finally did get to drink for the second time the visions and the voices went wild. Mother Aya showed me that there has been a planned attack on me all my life by the demonic realms because they knew of what my soul purpose here on earth is, what I was going to achieve with that, and who would be my partner on the journey. In the same way that my partner is a prophet who can see ahead in time, so too can the demons. When they couldn’t kill me at birth they then pushed me to kill myself, then they tried to murder me by having one of their puppets do it for them back in 1999 when the guy I was dating tried to strangle me. The Sacred Beings showed me that the ghouls and demons were using people all through my life to make my life a misery, to make my life unbearable and to force me to attempt suicide. At birth they used the nursing matron to try to stop my mother from delivering (the matron kept saying to my mum that she wasn’t anywhere near ready to push and to keep holding back), then all through my life they kept putting people on my path who treated me really badly. My school life was designed to break my spirit and to have me reach an all-time low through the constant bullying – at least seven years of it. Plus my mother used extremely derogatory names when addressing me on different occasions at least four times a week for years and years, which was all designed to push me towards breaking point. She had unknowingly been the mouthpiece for the beings that wanted to have me end my life.

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Prior to age 17 I had found no solace in going to church: nothing but guilt and remorse, and a sense that I would never be good enough. My experience of Christianity at that time is what has pushed me later in life to find real answers and real truths. Any worth that I did feel for myself was hindered, reduced or minimised while attending Christian fellowship and Sunday church due to the twisted teachings of the minister that we had at the time. So between ages 17 and 22 I walked a lonely path where I turned my back on my connection to Source. Ultimately, the demonic wanted me dead. Had I not sung out to God from the depths of my soul seeking the help that I needed, I would have been dead a long time ago, that’s for sure. I managed to tackle the feelings of low self worth and hopelessness after age 22 though, and when I was living the life of a strong individual the demonic sent another puppet along to try to murder me in June 1999.

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When I was shown all of this, I wasn’t sure if I was being toyed with by the demonic once again, so I made myself sit up straight in order that I could move into the celestial realms, just in case I was being given misinformation. Yes, all of those things did happen throughout my life, but I wanted to be sure where the information was coming from. Even so, when I did that, I still got the same messages and visions. I was still unsure about it though, so I checked when I got home with a highly clairvoyant woman that I go to when I need guidance as to whether it was true or not, and she said that her guides were saying that what I was shown had resounding truth to it. I didn’t quite know what to do with that information. I was cautious to become affected by any sense of specialness, so I just parked it in the back of my mind.

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During my journey I had asked Mother Aya to show me my connection to my clairvoyant friend was and was taken back to a Medieval period of time where she and I had had the type of relationship that only sisters or mother and daughter have. She had been older than me, and I am not sure if we actually were sisters or if we were in fact, mother and daughter, but we had had a close connection in that lifetime. The gowns we were wearing were really beautiful and both of us were taller than average height. It seems we go back quite a number of years with our connection.

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I was shown how I had been together in another dimension with my twin-flame prior to us arriving here, and how he had come along 20 years ahead of me so that he could be there for me when I needed him. I was 22 when I first heard of him, 25 when I met him in person, and then it took another 17 years for us to become aware of the depth of our connection (although he may have known of it earlier than that, but I didn’t). We need each other’s support for the things that we are to do while alive, and through the deepest love connection I had ever seen, we will be able to achieve those things. This was mostly what I was shown after taking the second drink. I had felt nauseous but had not purged and had gone out to the ladies room once and had stood over the toilet, but had not been able to purge so had returned to the hall.

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Upon being invited to partake of a third cup I walked up to the alter and stood in front of the shaman. I needed to address something with him that had been bugging me, and was about to say what I had on my mind out loud when I was told not to. I heard a voice say to me “No, don’t say it aloud. Say it in your mind to him because he will hear you without using your voice.” So I did, and as I swallowed the cup of medicine that he gave me, I watched him closely. He had obviously heard what I had said, because his whole demeanour changed and he wouldn’t look at me. I gave him back the cup and I moved away. In my mind the words “he heard you and he got it” came to me. My own thought was “good, I needed to stand my ground on that point with him.” I felt better having said that. I hadn’t said it with any kind of emotion other than conviction in my belief. There was no anger, there was no aggression. Just conviction. For the rest of the two days he was really lovely towards me. It was as if he had gone in and asked his own higher self or my higher self, or someone, if what I was saying was true. He was so different after that moment. It was very healing. I hope he now realises that I speak the truth about the issue that he hadn’t believed me about.

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With this third drink there was a lot of healing done within my family. I addressed many of the issues that went on in my family, bringing in the souls of my father, brother and mother.  My father has alot to answer for in the way he treated all of us, especially my brother who now suffers from emotional instability because he was never given any love as a child. In fact, he was only ever abused. I was abused too, which definitely had its affect on me, but I seem to have an inner strength that my brother lacks, and so I’ve been able to grow above the past and evolve. My brother hasn’t. He has floundered, and it’s very sad to see that he is in such confusion and pain. I spent the next period of time dealing with those things, and talking to the souls of all of my family members and trying to get them to talk to each other and say what they have wanted to say to each other for a long time. I was especially hard on my father, so I am hoping that he actually got it at some level, that perhaps he has woken up this morning from a night of dreams where he heard me speak to him. I hope the same for my brother and mother.

It was due to the third drink that I was able to purge. It came in two stages, within five minutes of each other. I had been told to get up and go to the bathroom because I was about to purge, and when I heard that I asked if I had time to make it or not. I was told that I would if I moved quickly, so I stood up immediately and made my way there. I didn’t want to throw up in the hall with everyone else around me. I just didn’t consider it something that I wanted to do. When I finally reached the bathroom I sat in the ladies shower area on the bench against the wall, talking away to myself and trying to get some sense of when I was going to actually throw up. I was rocking back and forth with my arms across my chest, then suddenly I felt the urge to purge. Good. It had been coming for ages and hadn’t come out yet. As soon as I had finished the second bout of purging an intense happiness flooded over me. My twin-flame’s soul was with me at that moment and we began talking to each other and laughing at some of the things we said.

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When I finally walked out of the cubicle, I had to stop in my tracks because some very traumatic visions came to me about my family once again. I stood with my eyes closed and was rocking a little, arms crossed over my chest, and oblivious to anyone else or anything else. I wasn’t aware that one of the helpers was hanging around outside the bathroom door, but after about five minutes I opened my eyes and saw him standing there watching me with a sense of care for my well-being. He asked me “Sister, is all OK with you?” I answered that I was going through some traumatic visions, so he came over and put his hand on my back once again. It made me start to cry again. I said to him that another healer had gone straight for the heart chakra earlier that evening and I said that I must be releasing some stuff because they had both zoned in on that area. He said that this was what my tears were about. He was very kind to me, and he showed me a lot of care. I appreciate the time he gave me and the healing that I could feel as he placed his hand on my back. Then he rubbed some oil on his hands and ran his hands around my aura, but I was unable to smell the scent of the oil due to my nose being so blocked up from crying so much. Then he blessed me and left me to come back to the hall when I felt ready to do so. It was really nice.

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Upon re-entering the hall the shaman’s musicians were playing the most beautiful music ever. I sat down and was compelled to join in and sing with everyone, even though I had no idea what the words were. When I sing, I have a deep voice for a woman, so all around me were these lovely soprano voices while I sang in alto, but still it was beautiful. I don’t remember the words that I was singing as I was off with the moment, but I do remember the feeling of beauty that was all around. Wow, how amazing to experience that. Just amazing. Totally amazing. Plus, I was breathing out heavily for a while there, obviously letting go of more emotions around my past. Big, deep breaths that were way larger than I normally experience. Those breaths were like a purge of their own.

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The shaman closed the ceremony by banging one of the singing bowls and saying a prayer and a dedication to the Mother, then one of his musicians placed his CD into the computer system so that some very mellow music began playing in the background after the circle had been closed for the evening. My friend who had collected me from the airport headed in our direction, and he, Vicky and I all sat around talking about what had happened for us on our journeys. It was an intimate moment, sharing our lives so closely. When I had first met Vicky I had told her about the healing qualities of Aya and she asked if I could get her in to a ceremony. So I made the calls needed to do so, and once she had spoken to the facilitator she had been hanging out to get to this ceremony for the last six months. She was grateful for the healing that Mother Aya helped her with.

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All throughout the first night I had been shown snippets of my future once married. My twin-flame was definitely there with me in spirit, there’s no doubt about that, and at various times I was talking with him as if he were sitting right next to me in the hall area or standing next to me when I was in the ladies room. But the vast tapestry of how our relationship is going to unfold wasn’t shown to me until the second night.

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I didn’t get to bed until 5am that night. The cabin was freezing cold so sleep was difficult to enter into. I only managed to gain about three or four hours sleep before I had to get up to have a shower and then be ready to have some breakfast. Everyone was buzzing, talking of their experiences. My New Zealand friend told of how he had been shown that his father had been having sex with him all throughout his childhood. He was still very distressed at having been shown that, but also very relieved to finally see what it was that he knew he had suppressed. He cried on my shoulder for a while. He was still processing the emotions around seeing this part of his childhood. It was very difficult for him and he needed some support. But he managed to get through it and start to settle down a bit, then we all gathered around and talked of what had gone on for each of us. There was alot of fellowship and camaraderie amongst us all. It was really nice.

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Breakfast was delicious!! So many really nice dishes of food, and so much to choose from. We were all hungry because our stomachs had been emptied the night before. So everyone enjoyed the first meal of the day and there wasn’t much left over at the end.

We were then invited into the hall again for sharing time. People spoke of their experiences and some were still very distressed by what had gone on for them. But each, even if they were distressed, expressed their gratitude for the healing that they knew they had received. Some talked of Angels and higher beings, and one talked of an operation that had gone on within him. He had carried the guilt and remorse of losing two children when a partner he had been with earlier in life had chosen to have abortions rather than keep the children. Their souls had stayed with him, and he had needed the Sacred Beings to help remove them. When he purged into the bowl he could see them there in the bowl, and he didn’t want to let it go. He cried as he spoke of this, and then told us how once he had finally come to an acceptance of their loss how he was able to give the bowl back to the helpers who were there to take the bowls away. He was sad that he had not been able to stop these two children of his from being aborted. He had wanted to keep them. His partner hadn’t. And so, he had carried the guilt of not being able to do anything to prevent it from happening with him until the night before. It had been a very important event in his life, to go through the healing needed so that he could move on.

Our shaman talked about how true healing comes from total acceptance of yourself. Of how we need to learn to love ourselves, despite our imperfections. Of how, when we get into that space where we can relax and stop resisting and start just simply accepting, that we begin to enter into the 5th dimension that this 3d reality is in the birthing canal of at this time. He spoke of how we came here to experience duality, and to briefly forget that this is just a stage play that we can change at any moment. Like one of those virtual reality games that we can choose to play or not play, he said that none of it is real. We just need to remember that. His words were so wise and true. I asked him what he thinks is going to happen in the years coming, and he spoke of his intuition telling him that there is possibly going to be a pole shift, and what that would mean for the world. He said he wasn’t sure if the powers that be would use a rather big Zen stick, or several little Zen sticks to get their message across, but that the earth was way too overpopulated so it wasn’t going to be a bad thing if a few people are lost along the way. After all, in the width of eternity a tragedy like this wasn’t really going to mean much. He said he has seen what this planet will be like after the change, and what a beautiful world it will be. He spoke of what would happen if DMT was released into the atmosphere and how those people who hadn’t experienced it would feel as if they were in hell, and how many people would suicide. I found his answer to my question most interesting indeed.

After sharing, we were served lunch. It was so delicious. I always enjoy the meals that we share whenever I do a medicine journey with this group. Then, most people had a sleep after lunch, including myself. I awoke at about 5pm and went and talked with Vicky and my New Zealand friend. My airport taxi-driver had gone home at this point in time because he had to pick up his daughters from school. A small group formed on the verandah and we all were just enjoying the company of other like minded people who were journeying towards wholeness in life. At 6pm we began to get ready for the evening and many of us made our way to the showers. It was very cold where we were. People had brought big thick coats and jackets, just to rug up from the cold. There was anticipation about this evening’s process, and everywhere people were chattering aloud. The musicians were preparing the hall by singing and playing their music – I could feel the vibrations in the hall rising. It was obvious to me what they were doing. I am not sure if other people could see what I was able to see, but I could almost see the energy swirling in large vortexes as they filled the room with the sound of their voices and instruments. I certainly could feel it and it was amazing.

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Anyway, after watching everyone find their place in the circle, then seeing our shaman start the ritual of opening the ceremony, I took my place in the line for my first drink for the evening. I was given a double dose. It was the largest amount I have even been given, and it took four gulps to take it all in. I thought “I hope I don’t have a really extreme journey with that amount of Ayahuasca.” And then I waited. People around me were being affected as soon as they took the drink. But me, well I was just mellow. Nothing much at all happened. I didn’t feel ill, I wasn’t getting many visions. Nothing was happening. At least not yet. And so what I decided to do was to watch the shaman as he sang. I was still very much in a space where I could silently observe, and so I did. He seems to go into a trance as he sings, closing his eyes and singing from deep within his soul. He is able to produce two tones at once and sings from deep in the back of his throat as well as from the front. Some tones are deeply gutteral, others are round and full. I watched him with immense interest. His left hand was being held up like a stop sign at the side of his face (with the palm of his hand facing his face), elbow bent while his fingers would move as he changed notes and his whole arm would rise as the pitch of the note he was singing rose higher and higher. It was as if he was lifting his voice with his hand and arm. He would throw his head back as he sang those high notes, which mesmorised as I watched him. I’ve since learned that to open the throat in that manner when singing allows a particular sound to be emitted which has a celestial resonance. The music on the second night was unbelievably rich and wondrous. Had I been able to paint it, the sounds would have been vibrant and alive, deep and intense, swirling in a haze of glory that only the celestial could have produced. Totally mind-blowingly awesome are the only words I can think of to describe it.

I went on to be shown more of my journey through life that night, and deeply personal details of how my future is to be. I would rather not write about those things here, apart from saying that it was very healing to be shown those things.  Ayahuasca is a healing brew, that brings hope for a brighter future and healing for life’s pains of the past. I am looking forward to what she has to show me in the future.

I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you, and I think to myself, oohh, what a wonderful world!! Louis Armstrong

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